The "Being a Pillock" Thread

[Yorick]

Over here the mask rules are simple and strict. In an enclosed area you must wear a mask. And you must have a mask with you at all times outside of your home.

Well, we're having a big pergola party soon and we'd asked around, but nobody quite knew the rules. So we popped down to the local Guardia Civil.
There were 2 cops outside who seemed in a good mood. We asked if we needed masks to go inside, but he offered to help us outside. Then it dawned on us that neither of us had masks with us. Fuck !

Thankfully they were happy cops and didn't check. Thank fuck. Instant 100€ fine.

NB, if you're gonna break the law, don't do it at the cop shop

Anyway, we can have 40 folk and they all need masks. Only need to wear them if they go in the house. And food must be served individually. No self serve or nibbles. The caterers will take care of all that.


I'm wearing my pillock hat

[Nidge]

Well that’s at least two hats you have....

[Cousin Jack]

Being a pillock is not a major issue - we all do it from time to time. Being a pillock and not realizing it IS a major problem.

[Gedge]

I’m going to be ringing the Lanzarote fuzz..I specifically told them not to be reasonable with you ....they’ve let me down ....( to be fair I did mainly mention that you had too much motorcycling fun and maybe they focussed too much on that ....)

[the_priest]

We have all done the pillock thing.... I was walking to the Church yesterday and had got about halfway, when I realised I did not have my mask with me. As I was going to be doing home Communion with elderly people, I had to turn about, go back and collect it and then go on my merry way again....

[Skub]

A while back when I bought a leather jacket,the shop owner gave me a chain care kit containing a brush,cleaner and lube.

Today's tip is...don't get busy scrubbing the chain with the brush while wearing a white T shirt.......

Sigh.

[Skub]

Dont dilute concentrated weedkiller over your own lawn

A couple of years back I lifted the wrong bottle and sprayed weedkiller on my hedge. It's nearly fixed itself!

[weeksy]

Went to Forest of Dean today. About an hour into the drive there I got a call from the wife

"Are your dropper posts supposed to be in your bikes??"

Oh FFS.

[Horse]

Went to Forest of Dean today. About an hour into the drive there I got a call from the wife

"Are your dropper posts supposed to be in your bikes??"

Oh FFS.

We were heading off from Newbury to Ludlow for a weekend away with friends. Got as far as Membury services when he realised he'd left his diabetes medication at home.

Hour or so later we were on the road again. Got to Ludlow to find that the house owners had given us the wrong keys.

It's a grade 2 listed Tudor timbered house. We broke in and replaced the lock

[Yorick]

Went to Forest of Dean today. About an hour into the drive there I got a call from the wife

"Are your dropper posts supposed to be in your bikes??"

Oh FFS.

For us thickos. What are dropper posts ?

[Horse]

Went to Forest of Dean today. About an hour into the drive there I got a call from the wife

"Are your dropper posts supposed to be in your bikes??"

Oh FFS.

For us thickos. What are dropper posts ?

Things wot you leave at home. Can't you read?

[Yorick]

While we're in confessional mode....

I was on my way to Oulton Park as I was instructing the next day. Was well into the journey and looking forward to getting there and having a BBQ and a few cold 'uns.

My beloved rang me and gave me the bad news that I'd left the duvet behind. She earned some Brownie points when she said that she'd meet me at a junction half way. That saved me about 3 hours. Was a bit late for BBQ when I got there, but found a great chippy instead.

From that day forward, I had a great big sign on windscreen high above the steering wheel. Simply said "DUVET" !

[Bike Breaker]

Went to Forest of Dean today. About an hour into the drive there I got a call from the wife

"Are your dropper posts supposed to be in your bikes??"

Oh FFS.

For us thickos. What are dropper posts ?

For you thickos, it's a seat post that can be adjusted up or down while riding. A similar example for those who have worked in offices, think of the gas sprung chairs where you pull a lever and remain seated to go down or take your weight off the chair to allow it to go up. For bicycles, I expect it to be more technically advanced than that.

[cheb]

Ordering stuff that turns out to be smaller than you expected, despite knowing how big they are when you order them.

I bought a 100mm rotary table for the pillar drill, I know how big 100mm is, and it's near equivalent in inches, so WTF was I surprised how small it was when it arrived.

[Noggin]

I must have loads but my favourite is buying a new helmet. Riding home wearing it thinking how shit the visor was but had to get back as was due to work, so just rode through Bristol with the visor up planning to go back to the shop the next day

Got home (the pub i was working in!) and once sorted for work i took a proper look at the visor. My boss walked into the kitchen to find me falling about with laughter. I didn't know there was a plastic protective film on the visor

[cheb]

It took a friend of mine something like 10 years to realise his microwave was stainless steel, not blue.

[Taipan]

Having broke a telly the other day, tonight I managed to kno k my MacBook Pro off the table and break the screen in that. It'll cost twice the price of a new TV apparently! I'd get pissed but I'd probably knock my wine over the new furniture!

[chillitt]

I got a set of Acoustic Energy speakers off freecycle to go on the computer. Not only do they sound fantastic, but I can now throw out the rubbish ones that had 'Genius' on them which proved there are no geniuses here every time I listened to them

[demographic]

After using loose leaf tea for a while and pissing about with teapot and strainer/sieve, the godawfull tea egg things I fired some loose leaves in a coffee press.

Absolute doddle, no stray leaves in my cuppa and I already have a little stainless steel coffee press in my van, so no extra crap to cart about. Dunno how it never occured to me before.

[melons]

After using loose leaf tea for a while and pissing about with teapot and strainer/sieve, the godawfull tea egg things I fired some loose leaves in a coffee press.

Absolute doddle, no stray leaves in my cuppa and I already have a little stainless steel coffee press in my van, so no extra crap to cart about. Dunno how it never occured to me before.

Been there, found the little pots that Brewtea Co. sell even better & a lot quicker to wash up

https://www.brewteacompany.co.uk/collec ... ur-tea-pot