A right now thread

[Yorick]

I've noticed my Mum's declining health in the last few months and I have mentioned it on here. My mind has been full with trying to work out what is best - nursing home, borrow against her house for more care at home and all the while harbouring a little resentment - "why me? why can't I have fun like everyone else?".

Something strange happened this morning. I woke up and all that was gone and without reason I knew exactly what to do. I packed a suitcase, picked up my laptops and headed over to hers where I am and will be for a while.

I phoned her doctors first thing and as the receptionist was saying in her nonchalant tone "well do you think you can bring her in?", something I've not been able to do for about five years, I blurted out "Because I think she is dying!". The receptionist's tone changed and she said "Yes, a doctor will be there at lunchtime".

The doctor came, we chatted about different drugs and then he started the conversation about end of life. He asked us if my Mum wanted to die at home or in hospital and we agreed home. He is going to refer her to The Martlets palliative care charity who will support us. He talked about prescribing drugs for here that will be ready to ease her pain when it's needed. In the hallway he explained that my Mum will probably have a heart attack that will end her life and in his experience, probably in the next couple of months.

I have spoken with my brother, my only sibling. Now I have to talk to my sons.

As the doctor left the room my Mum said "So I'm dying?". He didn't answer.

My Mum has Alzheimer's, COPD and heart failure. I don't know how much of his visit she will remember. For the rest of her days she will have me and the best that I can give.

Hugs

[Trinity765]

Thanks @weeksy I really do feel that there is some good support here.

[Yorick]

Thanks @weeksy I really do feel that there is some good support here.

Our rufty tufty biker image is just a cover

[weeksy]

Thanks @weeksy I really do feel that there is some good support here.

Because we're all a bit old, many of us have lost parents, I'd bet many of us saw the decline too, knowing most on here, they'll have been at the forefront of it too.

It's hard, it really is, as you're finding out. When it gets hard, just remember that none of this is their fault. If they knew it was causing you sleepless nights, they'd be mortified by that.

If it ever gets too much, jump on the bike, turn up here and we'll look after you for a few days.
If you're nice to us, I'll even clean the bike

[Horse]

Thanks @weeksy I really do feel that there is some good support here.

Part of the forum being populated heavily with old codgers is that we've been through similar stuff. The toughest conversation I've ever had was with my dad, about DNR.

Well done on your decision and action. As her question to the Dr shows, some parts are still aware, so she will know and appreciate what you are doing.

As yorick succinctly says, *hugs*

[gremlin]

Thanks @weeksy I really do feel that there is some good support here.

Mrs. G is going through the same at the moment, so we can relate to your situation.

Here for you if you want to chat.

[Horse]

Our rufty tufty biker image is just a cover

I got mine from Oxford Products.

[Dodgy69]

It is a shitty time, watching our parents lives coming to an end. All you can do is your best, making her as comfortable as possible. In a few months time, you'll look back, happy with your conscience knowing you made her life very happy.

You'll soon be having fun again, get your name on the list.

[Mussels]

On a practical note I think the changeover is coming where the 86k cap on care costs is introduced.
My mil had a terminal diagnosis nearly a year ago but improved so you need to think about that possibility as well, they will take palliative care away after 6 months if she's taking too long. Happily we took my mil for a mile long walk round a park at the weekend.

[Noggin]

@Trinity765 as Yorick says, Hugs

You're doing the biggest thing possible for her. As the others have said, this is an amazing place for support, knowledge and experience.

Loads of love to you xxx

[Yambo]

Not my mother, she died when I was 16 but cared for my wife after her diagnosis of terminal cancer.

It can be tough going hun but being involved is a lot better than being just an observer. When it's all done and dusted, if you want a sunshine break before getting back to your own life, I have plenty of room. I don't cook much, mind.

Take care of yourself. You can't look after people if you're in a bad way yourself.

[Trinity765]

This is my 1,000th post. Do I win another trackday?

Edit: This post looks a little weird as I've gone from doom and gloom to dancing bananas. That's how I roll.

[gremlin]

This is my 1,000th post.

Proving that it is possible to be both a winner and a loser simultaneously.

[slowsider]

This is my 1,000th post.

Proving that it is possible to be both a winner and a loser simultaneously.

Says tart 1b

[Pirahna]

In a car park in Spain dealing with the NIP my wife managed to collect in Wales, 35 in a 30.

Thank fuck I had the foresight to pack a printer. Sis in law scanned the NIP, I printed it, filled it out, rescan with a phone app then email it and supporting documentation to prove we're in Europe to the camera people.

[Trinity765]

Did a tip run and got rid of a boot load of old clothes and broken electricals. Popped in the charity shop there and picked up a set of nice saucepans, a potato ricer and a stainless steel 4 tier tiffin. Winning

[Taipan]

Having cheese on toast with Hendersons relish. Yum. We haven't had a grill for years, so having proper cheese on toast is the order of the day.

[Pirahna]

In a car park in Spain dealing with the NIP my wife managed to collect in Wales, 35 in a 30.

Thank fuck I had the foresight to pack a printer. Sis in law scanned the NIP, I printed it, filled it out, rescan with a phone app then email it and supporting documentation to prove we're in Europe to the camera people.

I'm sure I did mine all online?

From the chat wifey had with the chap in the speeding office it seems we have to do some paperwork first then everything after can be done online.

[Yorick]

Having cheese on toast with Hendersons relish. Yum. We haven't had a grill for years, so having proper cheese on toast is the order of the day.

Flash git

[Taipan]

Having cheese on toast with Hendersons relish. Yum. We haven't had a grill for years, so having proper cheese on toast is the order of the day.

Flash git

Breakfast of champions, queso en una tostada!