Jokes Thread

[Horse]

267610711_10217804985790957_4951134909412731885_n.jpg (65.04 KiB) Viewed 555 times

[Mussels]

If you get stuck Gremlin has written a walkthrough.

[slowsider]

It's a way to widen the circle of your friends.

[Horse]

IMG-20211229-WA0004.jpg (416.49 KiB) Viewed 443 times

[Yambo]

BREAKING NEWS!!
The England cricket team have officially beaten the Wuhan street market for the worst use of a bat ever.

[Saga Lout]

Does this belong here or in Current Affairs etc.?

[Taipan]

[slowsider]

Very Taliban

[gremlin]

Not a joke per se, but it made me laugh...

Wife's friend popped around and said that for her birthday her husband had booked afternoon tea at a classy hotel. Now her husband is not the most sophisticated nor cultured bloke I know, to put it mildly, so when asked by the waitress if he wanted tea or coffee, he replied, 'Tea please'.
He was then asked, 'English Breakfast?', to which he replied, which a note if surprise, 'I thought we were getting scones and stuff, not a fry up'.

[Yorick]

Not a joke per se, but it made me laugh...

Wife's friend popped around and said that for her birthday her husband had booked afternoon tea at a classy hotel. Now her husband is not the most sophisticated nor cultured bloke I know, to put it mildly, so when asked by the waitress if he wanted tea or coffee, he replied, 'Tea please'.
He was then asked, 'English Breakfast?', to which he replied, which a note if surprise, 'I thought we were getting scones and stuff, not a fry up'.

That's what I'd have said

[Trinity765]

[Horse]

I asked for a café latte in Starbucks in the UK and the woman said they don't have it, they only have latte.

Amateurs

Pizza Hut: run out of small pizzas; and, recently, a pub that didn't serve beer.

[Trinity765]

It's old and you've probably read this before......

How many forum members does it take to change a spark plug?
1 to change the spark plug and to post that spark plug has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing spark plugs and how the spark plug could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing spark plugs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing spark plugs
15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "spark plug" is an electrical device threaded into the cylinder of an internal-combustion engine to ignite the fuel mixture by producing timed sparks between electrodes
2 to post that General Mayhem is not about spark plugs and to please take this discussion to Motorbike Chat
27 to defend the posting to General saying that we all use spark plugs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this page
16 to debate which method of changing spark plugs is superior, where to buy the best spark plugs, what brand of spark plugs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty
2 to post URL's where one can see examples of different spark plugs
12 to post to the forum that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the spark plug controversy
4 to suggest that posters request the spark plugs FAQ
16 to post "F"
44 to ask what is a "F"?
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
3 to say "do a Google search on spark plugs before posting questions about spark plugs"
14 to post photos of spark plugs they own
5 who brag that they own electric vehicles and never have to deal with spark plugs
1 to point out that there's more than one way to skin a cat
1 "WTH does skinning a cat have to do with spark plugs!?"
1 to boast that he changed a Ducati plug and explain in great detail how it's done.
2 to discuss the special £135 Ducati tool required.
1 lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

[Taipan]

[Trinity765]

[Taipan]

[Felix]

[KungFooBob]

Joe took his blind date to the carnival.
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser.
He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel.
When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went.
Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy!!.

[Tricky]

[Taipan]