Insignificant/ Significant things that BYP or just wind you up a little

[gremlin]

I told one of the lads in the office if he ever uses reach out in my presence again I'll take his eyes out with a blunt spoon.

Yep business speak does my head in, it's used by people to try and pretend they're high flying execs or something, but have you noticed the rest of their vocabulary and ability to use language/grammar is very limited?

"We're in alignment..."
"We'll take that offline..."

Then they send you an email or report with apostrophes scattered at random, split infinitives, random superlatives and bad speelings that make your teeth itch.

(that was on purpose btw)

Maybe they're just doing it to badly annoy you.

Edit. The one which gets my goat, probably the only one which gets my goat TBH (other than "expresso") is using "myself" and "yourself" completely inappropriately. I don't think I've ever used either word other than to say "I did it myself" or similar. Somehow people seem to think that saying "yourself" rather than "you" makes em sound more professional. It just makes you sound like a div IMO.

I once received an email and the sender signed off with a toe-curling, 'If I can be of any further assistance, please reach out to myself'

Winner!!

[David]

Yep business speak does my head in, it's used by people to try and pretend they're high flying execs or something, but have you noticed the rest of their vocabulary and ability to use language/grammar is very limited?

"We're in alignment..."
"We'll take that offline..."

Then they send you an email or report with apostrophes scattered at random, split infinitives, random superlatives and bad speelings that make your teeth itch.

(that was on purpose btw)

Maybe they're just doing it to badly annoy you.

Edit. The one which gets my goat, probably the only one which gets my goat TBH (other than "expresso") is using "myself" and "yourself" completely inappropriately. I don't think I've ever used either word other than to say "I did it myself" or similar. Somehow people seem to think that saying "yourself" rather than "you" makes em sound more professional. It just makes you sound like a div IMO.

I once received an email and the sender signed off with a toe-curling, 'If I can be of any further assistance, please reach out to myself'

Winner!!

Was the email from John Finnemore?

[Taipan]

The one that pisses me off is "emerging strategy". "Strategy" was bad enough when it overused in every meeting, but we have this new kid on the block. Wish we could have senior managers that could just plan and deliver...

[Wreckless Rat]

“Reach out” and “synergy” are the ones that grip my shit the most.

[Silly Car]

Fucking pointless design features...

We were getting a visit from a street cat through the cat flap, so we fitted a microchip version which stopped the problem.

The new kitten has yet to be chipped, so we thought we were safe to let him roam around the house, nope, the feisty little fecker has found his way out of the house through the cat flap... Initially we thought the batteries were goosed, but following a new set of batteries, a factory reset and we reduced the sensitivity of the sensor, the little shite still escapes!

Cat flap set to coded entry only to allow the adult cat back into the house and we contact Catmate who tell us exit is permitted for all, coded or otherwise as a design feature...

WTAF! The £100 piece of shit that allows timed entry per animal, tells us whether a beast is in or out and has numerous other functions doesn’t allow you to select whether a cat can exit or not...

[Pseudonym]

In a recent job advert I was interested in. I came across this beauty. *Must have HIGH knowledge of...........*. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, instead of in depth knowledge of or something similar.

[Pseudonym]

A couple of weeks ago, I had to have a scan, so I am now wondering about my results. I ring up the docs, they don't have them yet, so I decide to ring the hospital. I wait while all the covid-19 stuff gets spoken about, the hospitals zero tolerance policy etc etc. By this time, you've been on the phone 5 minutes before even being allowed to get through to the switchboard. You ask for a certain department, then wait while all the phones go unanswered, You then get put through to a different section (one you've not asked for), only to get a voicemail message which cheerfully states that this voice message system doesn't allow messages so please don't leave one, and then the system hangs up.
I rang yesterday and was given a Consultant's name, so I rang and asked to speak to his secretary. Yep, she wasn't there. Please leave a message. I did and have heard nothing back.
I re-rung the hospital this morning and asked for this secretary, and got some other department who put me through to the Consultant's boss' secretary, and She wasn't available. Oh, please leave a message.
So, here I am still none the wiser with no idea if anyone is going to ring me back.

[Yambo]

A couple of weeks ago, I had to have a scan, so I am now wondering about my results.

They've lost the results. You'll have to do it all again to prove how wonderful the NHS is.

[Rockburner]

In a recent job advert I was interested in. I came across this beauty. *Must have HIGH knowledge of...........*. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, instead of in depth knowledge of or something similar.

"Must have 10 years experience of programming in {language}" (That was first released 5 years ago).

[Pseudonym]

In a recent job advert I was interested in. I came across this beauty. *Must have HIGH knowledge of...........*. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, instead of in depth knowledge of or something similar.

"Must have 10 years experience of programming in {language}" (That was first released 5 years ago).

[Saga Lout]

Advertisers claiming "...that's just the cost of a cup of coffee a month".

If you compare your product to a nasty, overpriced cup of coffee, don't be surprised if I think your product is nasty and overpriced.

[MingtheMerciless]

Trying to find anything on the corporate IT system, it’s like it’s been designed by Vogons

[Jody]

" we're really happy to have you working here and we'd like to extend your contract. We are prepared to raise your 'take home' pay by £120 a week. However if we do that we won't be reimbursing you for travel costs "

Reimbursement for travel costs is £130.50 a week !!

[Mussels]

Just bought my daughter Domino's pizza as a treat for her birthday, yes I'm disappointed.
Anyway I blew £40 on that rubbish and there's not even enough to feed 4 people, massively overpriced junk food!

[Noggin]

I want to try and sort out two vehicles for this coming season. I didn't have a good experience when I employed someone the first time and so when someone I know asked for a job it was pretty good. He's done the job before, is a bit older than the other guy and also doesn't drink the night before transfers (I've seen him out when working for others, and he stopped at a sensible time!)

Two things that have pissed me (and him) off -

- He'd need to get a visa to work here for the winter

- the Swiss won't allow anyone with a UK passport to get paperwork to be able to do our job into Geneva (if he had a residency card and UK passport that would be ok, but we have talked and not sure he can actually apply for one )

TBF, the visa thing is dealable with. The not being able to work into Geneva with a UK passport is not




Fuckstix


So, I have to MTFU and find someone local. OR stick to one vehicle again for another season


NOT HP

[Yorick]

These half witted covid deniers and conspiracy twats can catch Covid and I won't flinch.

But when they purposely spread lies and shite it pisses me off. Folk will probably die coz of all the lies. But just saw this being shared on FB and you wonder what goes on in their heads. They're compelled to spread shite.

Screenshot_20210225-175410_Facebook.jpg (289.49 KiB) Viewed 150 times

[Mussels]

So I can't catch it, cool.

[MingtheMerciless]

Just looked at Crispy’s FB feed, what a nutter! Report the idiot to FB.

[Silly Car]

The decision by my local authority to remove all of the bus stop lay-bys in favour “live lane” stops which means the road gets clogged up while busses have stopped.

I’m sure there is a ‘sensible’ reason for this but it is inconvenient nonetheless

[Rockburner]

The decision by my local authority to remove all of the bus stop lay-bys in favour “live lane” stops which means the road gets clogged up while busses have stopped.

I’m sure there is a ‘sensible’ reason for this but it is inconvenient nonetheless

Drivers never give way to buses pulling out of laybys: hence buses are always late: hence bus operators get complains: hence bus operators complain to council: hence laybys get removed.



You just have to reverse the cycle.